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Showing posts from January, 2019
to ashkie: There's so many things I wanted to tell you. These past few days I wanted to say how much I miss you. I wish that I could just walk up to you, hug you, and leave everything behind me. And that is what I would want to do if we get back together again. My 101%, all in you. I want to text you. I want to know how you're doing. I want to be there for you and listen to you when your tears flow. I want to call you and cry about how much I died inside today, and the days to come; how I really, really missed you. But I hope you would take this time to think it through as well. With all the things I'd done, someone like me isn't really worth it. At this very moment, you may feel you might never find someone like me again. You may be right; I thought the same way a decade ago too, but someone better will definitely come along. I sincerely wish that you could move on. If too much time elapsed when I woken up and you're gone, I would chase you all over agai
to ashkie: We got together. Surreal, bizzare, but we were finally together. What we thought was a tragic love story actually brought us together as one. I did have my insecurities as well. A lot of them, in fact. One of my deepest fears was that you would mind my socioeconomic status when you first came over. I was afraid I'm too much of a home guy for you. I was afraid you would be bored of me. Even when I was young around your age, my life was extremely mundane. My family background is pretty complicated and messed up. I don't exactly have a 10/10 relationship with my mum. Although I'm working, there are bills I have to pay, money I had to save for a possible future to get out of this hole; I was afraid I can't give you enough. Due to our gap and the different phases that we're in, I'm worried that you might feel lonely. I sometimes do need to recharge alone, and I was worried you might feel left out. I sometimes feel a little jelly when you're out, o
to ashkie: So we parted after Christmas. I confessed whatever I did to my then partner too on the next day. I thought we could move on; I would learn from my mistake, make things right for us three. Then my nosy ass decided to continue asking about you. I wanted us to remain as gaming buddies. Even if our stars weren't aligned, I didn't want to lose someone so special to me. On new year's eve, we somehow continued to stay on the call after the games. I missed you, and wanted to at least be there for you awhile, for one more time, listening to you cry and chug your beer. When you finally decided to sleep, I was really sad. But hey, gotta move on. So I wanted to listen to you sleep, as if you were right next to me, because I would never get to experience that. Just let the batteries die off as I listened throughout, so I thought. Then I heard your voice. I'm not even sure how I could have woken up; I would normally be in a deep slumber if I slept so late and it w
to ashkie: hello. I've read your letter. I was thankful I was still alone at home although I ended really late today, because I immediately burst into tears when I read your post. Let me just tell you a little story, as well as something to remind my future self. From the first day I'd heard your voice, I was a lil captivated by your laughter. I noticed you were pretty shy when we first played, so I tried to be quiet too when our group was playing. Then we gradually started playing more. And talked more. And I heard more of your voice. We became close online friends. Not too close, because of my status. Then AFA was around the corner. I wasn't even aware of the event until you mentioned it(cuz y'know im nOt a wEeB), and you hinted for me to come. I was really wary; I really enjoyed your company as a gaming buddy, and I'm afraid things might go awry. I even wanted to tell you I'll be busy with work on that day. But, I told myself that I'll keep my